Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
