Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
