Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
