it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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