I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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