It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
