the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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