you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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