If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
