Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
