So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
