i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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