Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Found the puke drawer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
