I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
