I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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