I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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