You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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