i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
