why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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