yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
