I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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