my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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