When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
