No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
