I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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