so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You are a genius and a whore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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