WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
