i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
being pregnant is like rehab
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
