I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
