I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
