I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
