My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
