I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
