is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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