someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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