spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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