we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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