When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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