I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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