That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
