i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
