There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
