can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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