I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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