Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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