Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is Oprah even human
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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