So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
