Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
