No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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