Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
