she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
