I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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