What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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