The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
