All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
