Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
