margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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