oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
