I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
