how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
