Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
