found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
