so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In other news, I just burned my penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
